Another year, another horrendously-designed web-page! Enjoy no-nonsense pithy film reviews that tell you exactly what to expect if you decide to view. Each film gets marked out of 10. The reviews appear in alphabetical order, and the rankings appear further below. All feedback and counter-opinion greatly welcome!

My Ratings Scale is :

9 or higher      An Absolute Classic
8 - 8.99           Excellent
7 - 7.99           Very Good
6 - 6.99           Good
5 - 5.99           OK
4 - 4.99           Barely Watchable
2.5-3.99          Piss-Poor
0 - 2.49           Utter Horse-Shite

Adrift (7.5) tells a true story brilliantly, features an excellent performance from Shailene Woodley, and cleverly rearranges the time order of events to leave the least-convincing part (the rather impossible-to-recreate Category 4 Hurricane at sea) until towards the end. It is a gripping view throughout and the ending is powerful and well-done. Overall Verdict : Very Good



All The Money In The World (7.5) is a very entertaining watch which for some reason reminded me of The Wolf Of Wall Street in many ways. It is based on fascinating real-life events which it stays true to until near the end, when it unfortunately indulges in a much less plausible version of the finale. Christopher Plummer is outstanding it, as are Charlie Plummer (no relation!) and Mark Wahlberg, whilst Michelle Williams' performance (and accent) weakens towards the end. But this film is really well worth seeing too! Verdict : Very Good


Ant-Man and The Wasp (4) is a desperately dull and bland Superhero movie too many, with a seen-it-all-before plot and an ethnically-diverse supporting cast of poorly-crafted characters. Overall Verdict : Just About Watchable


Apostasy (7.5) is a well-told highly-engaging and excellently-acted production regarding the life and tribulations of a Jehovah Witness family, which exposes the ultra-ridiculousness of the sect but in a subtle manner. The best film set in Oldham that you ever will see! Verdict : Very Good


A Quiet Place (9) is a modern masterpiece of sound and vision that needs to be seen - almost essentially with a cooperatively-silent audience. Fantastic direction, excellent acting, terrific tension, and I loved the ending. Here’s hoping they never spoil the original with a sequel. Verdict : An Absolute Classic



Avengers : Infinity War 3D (7.5) is visually spectacular and its plot is quite engaging given its 150 minute length. The gathering together of such a huge amount of big names is worth the watch in itself. Josh Brolin (Thanos) and Dave Bautista (Drax) shine in particular, whilst Peter Dinklage's character is an epic fail. On an important side-note, Spider-Man's (Tom Holland's) hair is thoroughly magnificent. Overall Verdict : Very Good


BlacKkKlansman (5) starts hilariously, but is over a half-hour too long and ultimately tries too hard to make an anti-Trump statement - more to the point, it does so ineffectively. The acting overall is very strong, the soundtrack is good and it looks great, but there are massive plausibility issues, particularly towards the end. Would be interested to hear from those who have seen both this and 3 Billboards, as I think people's personal opinion of both will be the same. Overall Verdict : OK


Black Panther (6) is absolutely refreshing in that the main roles are predominately black and the overall cast is vastly more gender-balanced than the usual super-hero blockbuster, but most of the other elements (particularly the plot and action scenes) are very much on the ordinary side. The soundtrack is excellent however, as are some of the graphics. Better than Batman/Superman, not as good as Deadpool or Thor but well worth a watch. Overall Verdict : Good

Blockers (6) is mildly funny but its main strength is its modern take on the American high-school prom movie. Whilst parts of it are decidedly weak script-wise, it keeps interest held throughout, and benefits from a very strong overall cast performance. Overall Verdict : Good


Book Club (1.5) is puerile (ironic, given the aged female cast) unfunny tosh, with a cretinous script. Yes, Jane Fonda looks amazing for an octogenarian but that doesn't give her the right to forget how to conscientiously object to vile abominations. Verdict : Utter Horse-Shite


Breaking In (5.5) is a straight-to-DVD B Movie in many ways (gaping holes in believability, some terrible script lines, pantomime baddies) but is decent fun, entertainingly-paced and benefits particularly from a great performance by Gabrielle Union. Not quite worth a tenner but you will certainly have endured less-satisfying cinematic visits. Overall Verdict : OK


Christopher Robin (3) is very similar to Peter Rabbit in that it has great animation but an awful script with a litany of unfunny gags, and dreadful performances from its 2 main leads (Ewen McGregor and Jim Cummings as the voice of Winnie The Pooh). Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor


Citizen Lane (7.5) is an entertaining documentary drama about the life of Sir Hugh Lane (of Dublin gallery fame) featuring an unrecognisable Tom Vaughan-Lawlor (Love/Hate's Nidge) in the title role, which he plays excellently. Acted reconstruction scenes during a documentary normally look awful but this pleasingly bucks the trend. Would be more at home on Netflix, given its length (81 minutes) and subject matter, but great to see this feature amidst the current generally-awful-shite in the cinema currently. Overall Verdict : Very Good

Coco (4) has brilliant multi-colour visuals but the storyline is awful, unfunny and cliched, and decides not to introduce the excellent songs until 65 minutes into the film, even though it's about a boy who is great at singing. Verdict : Barely Watchable


Darkest Hour (7) is worth seeing for Gary Oldman's performance alone, which is absolutely masterful and should see him coast to Best Actor Oscar victory (although I do still have to see Daniel & Denzel). It looks fantastic too, although there are an absolute stack of glamourisations, simplifications and inaccuracies to contend with, but overall the Verdict is Very Good.


Deadpool 2 (1.5) is eye-wateringly-horrendous bilge, obviously with a completely different set of writers than the first film (which I scored as 8/10 Excellent). There is a total onslaught of desperately-unfunny "gags" that obscurely reference other movies, and the plot is appallingly poor. Turn the sound off and you have some passable visuals, but nothing ground-breaking. Avoid like the plague. Overall Verdict : Complete And Utter Horse-Shite


Dublin Oldschool (1) features a nail-scrapingly-dire script/plot, appallingly-poor dialogue, zero believability and appears to believe it's brilliant purely because everyone is openly taking illegal drugs throughout. Overall Verdict : Complete And Utter Horse-Shite


Equalizer II (6) is the starkest example of how a lead actor can carry a film - without Denzel Washington, this would be a 4-out-of-ten at best. He is superb in it, helping to partially excuse the ludicrously-improbable plot. It could easily also have been called Uber Driver. Overall Verdict : Good

Ferdinand (6.5) is a solidly entertaining view for all the family. Whilst not ground-breaking or huge on laughs (apart from the brilliant Dance-Off between the horses and bulls), the plot is pacy and the main characters are particularly voiced well by John Cena and Kate McKinnon. Verdict : Good


First Reformed (5.5) benefits from Ethan Hawke's greatest-ever acting performance (by a country mile) and would have scored higher but for a descent into total farce for the last 15 minutes, and one of the most awful endings of all time. Verdict : OK


Game Night (7) is the funniest film I have seen in years with countless laugh-out-loud moments in its excellent first hour. The cast is excellent with Jesse Plemons (Landry from Friday Night Lights) stealing the show in particular. Alas the last half-hour descends into absolute incredulous stupidity with a much-reduced laugh-count, but on the massive strength of the first hour alone, the Overall Verdict is Very Good.


Hereditary (5.75, 26th) starts extremely strongly but weakness kicks in after the first hour and the deterioration climaxes spectacularly with a ludicrous ending. Toni Collette and the young actors (Milly Shapiro and Alex Wolff) put in excellent performances, Gabriel Byrne not so much. Verdict : OK

Hostiles (8) is the best slow-moving film that I have ever seen. It looks absolutely glorious throughout, features brilliant acting particularly from Christian Bale and there actually is plenty going on throughout. There is a fantastically understated score by Max Richter too. Another must-see! Verdict : Excellent


Hotel Artemis (6) features Jodie Foster looking remarkably like Hilda Ogden from Coronation Street (Google it if not familiar!) in an entertaining-if-uneven futuristic romp that borrows significantly from the hotel in the John Wick movies. Verdict : Good

I Feel Pretty (Zero) is awful on all levels - cringeworthily-unfunny, unbelievably stupid and flogs to death the one-trick-I-really-think-I'm-hot pony that Amy Schumer has based her entire career on. An absolute disgrace that this even makes it into cinemas. Overall Verdict : Utter Total And Absolute Vile Discharge


Incredibles 2 (6) starts quite slowly with copious amounts of unfunny shite-talk (technical term) but improves significantly, and the last 20 minutes in particular are very strong and entertaining. Nephews Adam (7) and Ryan (5) both enjoyed it though which is the main thing. Bao - the short-film that preceded it - was excellent. Verdict : Good

Isle Of Dogs (3) is certainly cleverly made but all-too-often is unorthodox for the sake of being unorthodox, resulting in a plot that fails to be of interest. Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor

I, Tonya (6.5) starts strongly, tells a fascinating story and features an incredible performance from Margot Robbie as Tonya Harding but is a half-hour too long, and leaves the impression that the comic/bizarre events and circumstances were over-simplified in the film. Overall Verdict : Good

Journeyman (2.5) attempts to be an award-winning powerhouse on the subject of brain injuries for boxers but neglects to inject any plausibility into the story, rendering it laughably cretinous. Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor

Jumanji (7.25) proves that not all franchise remakes are horrendously awful (but most are), as it entertains throughout and executes the difficult-to-pull-off humans-in-a-video-game concept brilliantly. It provides some decent laughs and the cast combine very well. Oddly the CGI effects and visuals are a little dated and there is minor script weakness but overall it is well worth a watch. Verdict : Very Good


Jurassic World : Fallen Kingdom (3D) (2.5) is boring hammy re-hashed unfunny shite, with a cretinous unbelievable plot. The visuals are passable, but nothing new or exciting. Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor


Lady Bird (8) features some great writing and is directed superbly, with fantastic performances from all the cast, especially Saoirse Ronan and Greta Gerwig. Based on the trailer I didn't think I would enjoy it but did thoroughly. Verdict : Excellent


Leave No Trace (6 is well-shot, very well acted and prompts empathy with the characters, but loses some credibility towards the end. Worth a download watch but not quite a cinematic tenner. Overall Verdict : Good


Love, Simon (6.5) is similar to Black Panther in that this is a movie that should already have been made, is great to finally see it made, but must be judged on its actual merit. The film benefits from a superb performance from lead Nick Robinson, has some very powerful scenes and a clever whodunnit-theme throughout, but suffers from too much out-of-place poorly-written dialogue, particularly from the headmaster, music teacher and goofball. Overall Verdict : Good


Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (4.5) slightly exceeded pre-viewing expectations, with a strong opening routine (Kiss The Teacher) but it quickly descends into a cringey papfest with unfunny farcical happenings aplenty. Your enjoyment or otherwise of the utterance "Be still my beating vagina" will probably mirror your overall rating of the film. The visuals are excellent in places, and the female vocal contributions are generally very good, whilst the male ones are awful in the main, Pierce Brosnan's in particular. Overall Verdict : Barely Watchable


McQueen (7) is a brilliantly-constructed documentary on the fascinating life and works of fashion designer Alexander McQueen, of whom I had previously known little-to-nothing. What would have made it a masterpiece would have been to delve much deeper into what led to him tragically taking his own life. Verdict : Very Good

Michael Inside (7) is extremely well directed and shot, with superb understated performances from the cast, especially from the lead (Dafhyd Flynn), giving the production a good vibe of authenticity. The prison scenes powerfully gave a sense of claustrophobia and entrapment. The plot itself was much less credible, otherwise it would have been an absolute classic. Overall Verdict : Very Good


Mission: Impossible - Fallout (6.5) is good fun overall, with a decent storyline and some great action sequences, although the Preposterousnessometer is often turned to LudicrousMax and there is more than a hint of seen-it-all-before throughout. Henry Cavill makes a good villain, Sean Harris less so (rasping through your nose and sporting a stringy beard doesn't quite do it). Verdict : Good

Molly's Game (8.5) is captivating from the very start, and hardly lets up for its 140 minutes - not an easy feat at all! The writing is brilliantly sharp and clever (which is what The Big Short wanted to be but wasn't), the pace superb, the plot delicious and Jessica Chastain is absolutely awesome throughout. Idris Elba and Michael Cera put in great performances, Chris O'Dowd not so much. A must-see and a contender for my Film Of The Year already! Overall Verdict : Excellent


Mom And Dad (3) takes a ridiculous concept (all parents decide together one day that they want to murder all their children) and does nothing to lend it any credence, resulting in generally-unwatchable silliness. In its sole favour, it employs some interesting camera techniques and angles, but nothing to stop giving it a wide berth, view-wise. Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor


My Friend Dahmer (5.5) is a fairly interesting tale of the teenage life of Jeffrey Dahmer leading right up to the time of his first (of many) murders. Ross Lynch plays the lead role brilliantly, but the script and dialogue are both patchy in places. Verdict : OK


Ocean's 8 (6.5) is slickly directed, well-acted (especially Sandra Bullock) and decently-written, making it a well-paced and entertaining watch, marred somewhat towards the end by James Corden's poorly-crafted (and acted) character, and by Helena Bonham-Carter's piss-poor attempt at an Irish accent. Verdict : Good


On Chesil Beach (6) is an engaging relationship tale, with enjoyable flashback scenes and a powerful (if rather improbable) ending. The script is clunky in parts but rescued by strong acting performances from the cast. Overall Verdict : Good


Peter Rabbit (3) is a shambolic "adaptation" of the Peter Rabbit books, bearing no likeness to the original stories whatsoever. The dialogue is painfully unfunny, most of it delivered by the uber-irksome voice of James Corden unsurprisingly, and the message it delivers (leech, freeload and vandalize to your heart's content, essentially) is at best utterly baffling. In its sole favour, the visuals/graphics are very good & lifelike. Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor


Phantom Thread (8) is an absorbing watch, not least because of a phenomenal performance from Daniel Day-Lewis as well as from Vicky Krieps and the supporting cast. Day-Lewis plays the utterly self-absorbed (but highly talented) tool brilliantly, with some hilarious lines throughout. Like the subject, the film loses its way a little towards the end but overall this is a must-see. Verdict : Excellent  


Pope Francis : A Man Of His Word (5.5) is unashamedly a sermon by the main man himself, as opposed to his life story or any sort of objective debate on the issues discussed, but does provide a rare opportunity to hear from him directly as well as seeing beautifully-shot highlights of his papal visits. Regarding why God allows children to suffer from and die of cancer, he explained that God created the world then stated that He was leaving Earth entirely to its own devices, without the ability to intervene, so therefore any subsequent Acts Of God here were not acts of God at all. Interesting. Overall Verdict : OK


Ready Player One (5.5) has ground-breaking glorious visuals throughout which alas is offset by a cornball pantomime-esque plot, with particularly hammy villains. Overall Verdict : OK


Red Sparrow (3) is a film where the writer was told to come up with any old shite as long as the theme was that all men are vile lecherous pigs, all Russians are cold and evil and all women are strong, and the resultant produce is predictably appalling. The cinematography is decent, and J-Law does her very best to rescue this from the blockbuster landfill but can't stop the constant garbage deposits. Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor


Sherlock Gnomes (2) obviously shared script-writing meetings with Peter Rabbit as they both have multiple face-palm-awful "gags" running throughout, with an idiotic plot to boot. Overall Verdict : Complete & Utter Horse-Shite


Sicario 2 : Soldado (3.5) starts strongly enough but quickly descends into farcically-unbelievable drivel, wasting the talents of the strong assembled cast. Overall Verdict : Piss-Poor


Sicilian Ghost Story (6) is Sicilian but not really a ghost story - however it is well-shot and decently acted, and though slow in parts, it entertains on the whole. Verdict : Good
Skyscraper (5.5) has some fantastic visuals and benefits massively from The Rock's participation, which papers (see what I did there?) over the cracks of utter-disbelievability, hamminess (the 2 main villains are particularly awful) and a weak script. Verdict : OK


Solo : A Star Wars Story (6.5) starts slowly but picks up and becomes a decent romp, with some good action scenes and an engaging plot, although there is an undoubted seen-it-all-before vibe. Overall Verdict : Good


Teen Titans GO! To The Movies (6) greatly exceeded the ultra-low expectations garnered from its trailer with a high SALTS count (Smiles A Little, Then Stops) and a few LOLs too, a decent story and a couple of decent songs to boot. Some of the humour misses the mark but without the jarring incessancy of Deadpool 2 and the like. Verdict : Good


The Breadwinner (4) has a laudable theme (the struggles of a family in Taliban-controlled Afghanistan), especially for an animated film, but alas the script or plot is not so strong, although the voice-over cast do their best with it. Overall Verdict : Barely Watchable


The Greatest Showman (7.5) is the best non-animated musical that I've seen since Moulin Rouge (I'm not a general fan of the genre.) The film overcomes its weak plot by generally ignoring itself, focusing on its many excellent and well-choreographed songs ("Never Enough" is particularly sublime), with glorious visuals throughout. Verdict : Very Good


The Meg (2) is the amazing tale of a secretive stadium-sized shark, discovered years ago by Jason Statham who was cruelly disbelieved - until now, when lives are again at stake in the briny deep, and only he can save them. Overall Verdict : Complete Horse-Shite

The Post (7.5) is superbly-made, well-acted and suspenseful, although its pace does slow towards the end, before picking up again for the finale. Verdict : Very Good


The Shape Of Water (4) is yet another of those critically-adored films whose wonder generally passes me by and that I personally don't enjoy (see Birdman, The Artist, La La Land). Sally Hawkins puts in a phenomenal performance but overall there is little to be engrossed in and the plot is desperately poor. A generally-unbelievable concept needs strong continuity to back it up and it is all too lacking here. Verdict : Barely Watchable

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (5.5) is a film of wild contrasts - on the negative side its script is filled with wildly implausible events which mean that it cannot be taken seriously, and a screenplay that is all-too-often desperately poor (the writer Martin McDonagh was obsessed with getting its characters to say inane things twice in a row (such as a man looking a menu saying : "I like cheesy things, I'm gonna look for cheesy things." (wtf?) On the other hand it features some excellent acting, especially a sublime performance from Frances McDormand, although I wasn't as enthused about Sam Rockwell's Golden-Globe winning effort. The film looks good too though, is edited well, and manages to hold attention throughout. Verdict : OK


Tully (7) is enjoyable thanks mainly to its refreshingly different subject-matter (the struggles of a working mother before during and after the birth of her 3rd child) and the superb performances from the two leads (Charlize Theron and Mackenzie Davis). Mothers will enjoy it even more I reckon (will be very interested to hear if that's the case). Overall Verdict : Very Good


Undir Trenu (Under The Tree) (7.5) is a fantastically-enjoyable black comedy about an Icelandic neighbourly dispute that escalates totally out of control, eliciting laughter and tension in equal measure. If you watch one foreign-language film this year, make it this one! Verdict : Very Good


Unsane (5.5) is a slickly-shot psychological thriller that largely holds the attention throughout but the plot has major holes in it therefore cannot be taken as seriously as it would like. Again, the lead (Claire Foy) is crucial to this staying in the "watchable" category. Overall Verdict : OK


Upgrade (8) is a superbly absorbing and great-looking futuristic thriller, with much nodding to The Matrix, John Wick and Blade Runner, but in a refreshing *upgraded* style. It is hugely engaging from the very start and even when it looked like it might ruin itself with an implausible ending, along comes a surprise that ties things up beautifully. With better casting (I thought the lead actor and lead henchman were decent but not brilliant), the score would have been even higher. Overall Verdict : Excellent


Whitney (8) is a brilliantly-constructed documentary film on the highly-troubled life of Whitney Houston, giving a fascinating insight into her ultimate destruction from childhood abuse, sexuality struggles, financial exploitation of her by several family members, and chronic alcohol and drug abuse. It features the greatest rendition of The Star Spangled Banner that I've ever heard (by her, at the 1991 Super Bowl), and the horror of her absolute performing low in her final tour. Another documentary about her ("Whitney - Can I Be Me?") was released last year, and was good - this is much better. Verdict : Excellent


Wonder Wheel (5) has a fairly entertaining storyline, even if it has all been seen before, features some decent acting performances (particularly from Kate Winslet and Justin Timberlake) and it looks good in a theatrical sort of way. The continuity/believability gets strongly stretched throughout but Overall Verdict : OK

You Were Never Really Here (2.5) is a rambling poorly-scripted B movie filled with laugh-out-loud-poor believability, and a hammy performance from Joaquin Phoenix. Overall Verdict : Utter Horse-Shite 

Rankings

1.    9       A Quiet Place
2.    8.51  Molly's Game
3.    8.5    American Animals
4.    8.04  Upgrade
5.    8.03  Lady Bird

6.    8.02  Hostiles
7.    8.01  Phantom Thread
8.    8       Whitney
9.    7.57  The Post

10.  7.56  All The Money In The World
11.  7.55  Avengers : Infinity War
12.  7.54  Undir Trenu (Under The Tree)
13.  7.53  Adrift
14.  7.52  Apostasy
15.  7.51  Citizen Lane
16.  7.5    The Greatest Showman

17.  7.25  Jumanji
18.  7.05  Aus Dem Nichts (In The Fade)
19.  7.04  McQueen
20.  7.03  Darkest Hour
21.  7.02  Tully
22.  7.01  Michael Inside
23.  7       Game Night
24.  6.56   I, Tonya
25.  6.55  Searching
26.  6.54  Mission Impossible : Fallout
27.  6.53  Ocean's 8
28.  6.52   Solo : A Star Wars Story
29.  6.51   Love, Simon
30.  6.10   On Chesil Beach
31.  6.10   Black Panther
32.  6.09   Ferdinand
33.  6.08   Equalizer II
34.  6.07   Incredibles 2
35.  6.06   Leave No Trace
36.  6.05   Teen Titans GO! To The Movies

37.  6.04   Thoroughbreds
38.  6.03   Sicilian Ghost Story
39.  6.02   Blockers
40.  6        Hotel Artemis
41.  5.75   Hereditary

42.  5.58   Pope Francis - A Man Of His Word
43.  5.57  Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
44.  5.56   My Friend Dahmer
45.  5.55   BlackKKlansman
46.  5.54  Breaking In
47.  5.53  Skyscraper
48.  5.52  First Reformed
49.  5.51   Ready Player One
50.  5.5    Unsane
51.  5.01  Wonder Wheel
52.  5       The Happy Prince
53.  5       The Children Act
54.  4.5    Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

55.  4.04  The Shape Of Water
56.  4.03  Black '47
57.  4.02  Ant-Man and The Wasp
58.  4.01  The Breadwinner
59.  4       Coco
60.  3.52  Yardie
61.  3.51  Sicario 2 : Soldado
62.  3.5    A Wrinkle In Time
63.  3.07  Alpha
64.  3.06  Isle Of Dogs
65.  3.05  Christopher Robin
66.  3.04  The Happytime Murders
67.  3.03  Red Sparrow
68.  3.02  Mom And Dad
69.  3.01  Peter Rabbit
70.  2.54  Kissing Candace
71.  2.52  Journeyman
72.  2.51  You Were Never Really Here
73.  2.5    Jurassic World : Fallen Kingdom (3D)
74.  2.02  The Meg
75.  2.01  Sherlock Gnomes
76.  2       Duck Duck Goose
77.  1.52  Book Club
78.  1.51  Deadpool 2
79.  1.01  Dublin Oldschool
80.  1       Pacific Rim Uprising
81.  0.5    The Nun
82.  0.02  I Feel Pretty
83.  0.01  Action Point
84.  0       The Seagull

2017 Reviews can be seen at http://2017filmreviews.blogspot.ie/2017/01/another-year-another-horrendously.html